time for chop suey :-)
0 Comments
not caring doesn't make you heartless, it makes you free.
caring about yourself doesn't make you selfish, it makes you aware. in the end everyone is a self-centered cunt...we are only taught to feel bad about things because it's the right thing to do or the polite thing to do. i know everybody is capable of compassion but in no circumstances will someone let the need for compassion take away their own happiness. or at least not in the world i have been living... what i see is that the food industries will put whatever poison they want in their food so that they will gain a better profit instead of caring about other people's health. what i see is that psychologists claim themselves to have the life purpose of helping other people when in reality it is their job and they get paid to be talked to and if they didn't need money they probably wouldn't be spending their time helping other people just like other rich people. what i see is that i myself say i want to change the world because i don't want there to be anymore war or poverty but mostly because I want to be someone important (even though i already am). (and even though i could be rich and famous and still find a reason to not be 100% satisfied because humans are never satisfied) (see, i'm a walking contradiction. everyone is) so everybody thinks about themselves before anyone else and yet labels someone else a bad person for doing the same? people go around calling someone a bad person because they killed someone after rejection when people themselves hurt others with their words on a daily basis...and making someone feel like killing themselves is just as bad as killing them, i just think we as a society are way too fucking brainwashed. people don't even have a personality but think they do. i've caught myself just swirling around alternating between egos impulsively reacting to different situations. just gotta accept that a part of you is fucked up as shit and another part of you is infinitely loving..but naturally the human mind deviates towards the negative...even though the positive is actually more powerful. nothing makes sense. people talk as if they know something. i don't know anything. nobody knows anything. and it can drive you insane trying to make sense out of things. everything just is and that's it...idk why we try to make sense out of things. talking is pointless. lol just like writing this post. last night i had a dream i smoked cocaine
and i woke up feeling like i was god. "let go, let live, let be, surrender." I decided last week i'd start swimming again. I was only able to do four laps. Today I went for the second time, I did 12.
I started doing yoga again. I decided to start jogging also. only one thing could dis-motivate me from all of this: marijuana. I continue taking time out of the day to tighten my diaphragm and smooth-en out my state of being. I continue staying away from sweets and fried food. I started giving myself massages with vitamin E oil to help my scar tissue heal in both my face and my ears. And well...to relax me even more. I continue singing everyday because it's what makes me most happy and even though it hasn't worked out booking a show at TheTalentFarm, I am playing another show on June 27th at Tree Tops Park. That same lovely group of people will be there and as anticipated as I am, I just love the way I am treating myself by focusing on now. but now i realize that everybody actually loves everybody, therefore everybody loves me because the words that come out of people's mouths are rarely how they truly feel inside. and sometimes people even think they feel hate towards somebody but it's an illusion based on what they dislike about themselves. in the end, we're all one entity divided into subjective perspectives through which the more love we have within ourselves, the more lovable qualities we will find in others.
from time to time i still feel the knives that were stabbed in my chest when people convinced me there was something wrong with me when in reality they envied my ability to be fully content with myself without feeling i needed to prove something to myself (⊙_◎) the least i can do is put my hands on my chest and temporarily soothe the scars by the reminder of the love i unconditionally have towards myself
i kinda adore the little game girls play with me. perhaps i start it myself sometimes. perhaps meaning...i am guilty. i mean after all life is just one huge game divided into tinier little games. cheers ◕‿◕"Now that you see me as a woman you're actually more attracted to me than you were before. That's...Wow, that must be so confusing for you." one of the best movies I have seen on Netflix
|